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Forget about Chipper Jones' Diary; We've got Claxton

Over 40 Fantasy: Wife Gives Lawyer Trip to the Majors, and You Are There

William P. Claxton, a partner in the Atlanta firm Claxton & Claxton LLC, is spending Wednesday to Sunday at the Atlanta Braves' "Dream Week" fantasy camp at the team's spring training headquarters at Walt Disney World.

He wrote this story before leaving for Orlando. Assuming he survives his week with baseball's heroes, Claxton will chronicle his experience in a future edition of the Daily Report.

It all started innocently enough one November evening during an anniversary dinner at the Sundial restaurant atop the Westin Peachtree Hotel.

My wife and law partner (that is one person, not two) and I were celebrating 21 years of wedlock and, as has been our custom, did so by enjoying a nice dinner and exchanging gifts early into the meal.

I made the correct choice and selected a very nice piece of jewelry, which I have found is rarely rejected or the subject of complaint.

When presented with the neatly wrapped small box that screamed "JEWELRY," she promptly opened it and responded with appropriate "oohs and ahhhs" as well as a kiss.

Next came my wife's turn to present her gift. It landed on the table with an audible "plop." An envelope.

"Oh hell," I thought. Gifts presented in envelopes mean one thing: gift certificates. A gift certificate has always meant to me that the person presenting it didn't care enough to spend 30 minutes at the mall or 10 minutes shopping online to buy a "real" gift.

The moment the paper hit the linen, I thought I'd be disappointed. I reluctantly picked up the envelope and opened it.

It was a letter. A letter to me from the Atlanta Braves. A letter to me from Pat Corrales, first base coach, telling me "Happy Anniversary!" and let me "be the first to let you know how much you are appreciated by your wife Leslie."

Pat told me that Leslie had made arrangements with the Braves for me to spend a week in Orlando prior to spring training playing baseball with the Braves.

I had never been given such a gift, nor had I ever mentioned to Leslie that I would want such a gift.

About a month before our anniversary dinner, we received a mailing from the Braves with information about "Dream Week" and how someone actually could practice and play baseball with Braves greats such as Phil Niekro, Rico Carty, Steve Bedrosian, Jeff Treadway, Glen Hubbard and Ken Oberkfell-who is one of only four pro baseball players in history ever to hit four homeruns in one game.

My first thought was, "Who has that kind of money to spend playing baseball athlete?" I use the term "athlete" loosely.

That mailing was addressed to my wife, but I did not give it a second thought and had no idea she had managed to get me on the team with 14 other lucky "wannabes."

The Game Plan
As reality sank in, I began to formulate a game plan.

I would not embarrass myself on the field of athletic competition, as I had done on so many previous occasions. I had played four years of varsity basketball in high school and never scored a point!

I had entered the Peachtree Road Race for the first time and laughed at an overweight female "runner" in her late 40s who had managed to stuff her entire body, from head to toe, into pink Spandex (who wears something that hot to run in during a race in July in Atlanta?) only to see her pass me at the entrance to Piedmont Park, fresh as the day is long, while I was gasping for breath and wondering if a coronary was coming on.

No, this was my chance to redeem myself. It would not be wasted. Sure, I thought, I am in my early 40s and slightly out of shape. But I have three months to get ready. I'll get out and run, first a mile each day, then work up to three-no, five, by the time the chartered jet takes off for Orlando. I'll skip lunch, stop drinking so much Coke, and snacks will be a thing of the past. I'll go to the batting cage at least three or four times a week. Sure I'll start slow, but then I'll turn up the speed of the pitching machine to match the speed of the pitches that the major leaguers would hurl at me.

Unfortunately, ambition and reality rarely intersect.

I got a phone call the following week from a Dream Week representative to obtain important information. The first: What position did I want to play?

I immediately said I wanted to relive the days of my youth and play the only position I'd ever played in baseball-catcher.

The representative said, "Uh, yeah right." Then came the "persuasive counseling." How old was I when I last played catcher?, the representative wanted to know. I said maybe 16 or 17.

"Oh, high school," came the response, as if something is terribly wrong with the entire high school baseball program as it exists in the United States.

"Mr. Claxton, do you know how fast the best high school pitcher can throw a baseball? Try 55 mph. Steve Bedrosian can throw a 90-mph fast ball and a sinker that you could not possibly handle. All I can say is, if you insist on playing catcher, you'd better pack a titanium cup!"

Indeed, I had reconsidered my earlier choice of positions and would happily play first base.

"You'd be safe packing a plastic cup if you are playing first," I was told.

Next came a series of questions to make sure that my Braves uniform, with my name sewn on the back, would be a proper fit.

What was my height and weight? Since I had three months to get into shape, I gave my correct height. But vanity set in and I gave a weight which was about 35 pounds less than I really weighed. I thought this would motivate me to lose those pounds I so hated to see in photographs and that seemed to exaggerate so badly around my face and neck.

It's now weeks later and I'm preparing to board the flight with my teammates to Orlando and the Braves $28 million spring training facility at Walt Disney World. I did lose some of the weight but I hope that I either become severely dehydrated overnight or the uniform I'm issued expands as much as the pink Spandex on the runner who passed me on 14th Street eight years ago.

180 Interstate North Parkway
Suite 115
Atlanta, GA 30339
770.933.1946
claxton@claxtonclaxtonllc.com